Phi phi, poo poo

Food poisoning. Agony. It's currently almost 2pm, and we were supposed to be snorkeling on Koh Phi Phi, but instead we are huddled with water, Gatorade, and some bastardization of saltine and ritz crackers (they are so weird--they look like saltines but taste like ritz).

How did we get this way? Let us rewind.

Last night after getting home from Phi Phi, e decided to go to the rich (west) side of the island for dinner. A splurge of sorts. We picked out our restaurant and Stacey ordered fish and chips and I ordered red curry (a mistake I would regret in coming hours). When the food arrived, I was hungry and ate all of mine, but Stacey didn't seem to like her fish and ate only the fries. On the way back to the other side, Stacey started feeling sick and stopped in the alley to have some quality time with the mulch. I went ahead, trying to find Advil as I was convinced that her sickness was due to the horrrrrrible sunburn she had gotten on the beach. Somehow, she made it up the hundred steps to our hut and was profusely sick for the next few hours. I pitied her and was thanking myself for loading up on sunscreen, when I, too, suddenly felt a rumbly in my tumbly.

I will spare you the details of what followed over the next seven hours. Let me just say we were running to the bathroom like two competing NASCAR pit crews, and I don't know what would have happened had there been a collision.

Lowlights of the evening:
--when we did all of the horrible damage to our backs/shoulders/chests without knowing it (apparently vomiting is a crossfit-worthy athletic task)
--when Stacey tried to take a shower to feel better and remembered that we only have cold water
--when we ran out of tissues AND toilet paper

Stacey was about three hours ahead of me in this cycle, so I felt encouraged this morning when she said she felt marginally better and I still felt like crap. She made the Herculean effort to throw all of our stuff in the bags, lay me out something to wear, and get us out of the hut so that we could check into a room with air conditioning for the day/night, which is where we are now. Then she found is a room, bought drinks and food, all while I was sitting with our luggage on the boardwalk in the fetal position, hoping that passerby might think me just a very strange reverent person and not someone with the plague.

Our most embarrassing moment was when the 80-year-old Thai man saw us barely making it up a long incline to the hotel and came and grabbed both of our bags to take them to the room.

Once we made it to the room and had a cracker, I was feeling slightly better, but we were (are) still pretty pathetic.

Sta: Pass me the phone and the crackers.
Me: (Toss them over)

(No movement)

Me: Uh, what are you planning on doing there?
Sta: Too weak.
Me: Aw baby has a weak neck, can't sit up.
Sta: Haha I feel like something trampled me.
Me: Haha Navaan (baby elephant we met) sat on you.
Sta: Hahaha.
Me: Eat those over the box. Do you want ants?
Sta: Don't be sassy, it's not becoming.
Me: Whole stream of ants in our bed, s'all I'm saying.
Sta: I would sleep in here with them.

Silence

Me: I wish we had like a whole season of Will and Grace to watch right now.

Silence

Me: (In my best "Karen" impersonation) "honey, what's going on, what is this, what's happening here?"
Sta: Oh my god.
Me: I know. Pretty awesome.

(Silence)

Me: I wonder if this is what we're going to be like when we're old and decrepit and stuck in bed. You know, just razzing each other because we have no energy to do anything else.

(Silence)

Me: I have to say though, I wouldn't have wanted to do it this way, but this does cut down drastically on my need to worry about how much junk I was eating.
Sta: wow, you're really trying to find the positive in this, aren't you?
Me: I mean...it's kind of true.

We couldn't really figure out what caused all of this, but I'm guessing it was the place we ate lunch on Phi Phi.