Everybody Poops...Except Travel to Teach Volunteers

As I'm sure everyone is aware, there is currently in publication a children's book called Everybody Poops. This is an outrageous and pervasive lie. Our nation's--nay, the world's--children are being manipulated.

The Chiang Mai Travel to Teach volunteer house has been united by a struggle so primal that it cannot be escaped by even the most conscientious of us. Anyone who's traveled to the sweatbox known as Southeast Asia has an idea of what this not so mysterious problem is. Yes: I am talking about poop. Lack of it, too much of it, you name the problem, someone here has it. We have the remedies, of course--Pepto Bismol, Maalox, Immodium, Tums, antibiotics (cipro is popular), etc. Not to mention the famous B-R-A-T diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast).

So you eat fruit without washing it. A little bit of water gets in your mouth while you're showering. Perhaps you had a bit of egg that was undercooked. Yes, my friend, diarrhea is heading your way with the speed of 2 tuk-tuk drivers fighting for tourists. Hmm...you say to yourself--I know how to clear this up. I shall take some of that Cipro antibiotic that the travel clinic woman gave to me. I am prepared. I was forewarned.

You poor shmuck.

You take your cute little Cipro tablet, and as promised, your diarrhea problems vanish almost immediately. Unfortunately, so does the ability to poop for the next three days. Well, this does present a problem. Better stuff down some more of that fruit, and maybe add some spicy pad thai that's hot enough to burn your face off. 'That will shake things up in there!' you say.

Uh-oh. Now you have heartburn. Throw some of that Pepto at it, and maybe a couple Tums for good measure. 'Problem fixed,' you say. 'I am a poop genius.' Until the next cycle begins again. Enjoy your six hours of freedom, my naive little farang.

The (not so) silver lining in your fiasco of feces? Every other person in your house has been struck with like affliction: you are not alone. You can (gasp!) fart in the open walled bathroom stall without fainting from embarassment, far from it--you can discuss problems and potential solutions with your housemates who, like you, are so desperate for a cure that social taboos are flushed down the toilet in the hopes of finding a way to make your poop do the same.